Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Ahmadinejad, Republican Impersonators and Other Annoyances

The 2nd US Circuit Court of appeals short circuit the expressed will of the voters by approving Mike Bloomberg's attempt to run for a third mayoral term. The court sidestepped moral questions and confined itself to questions of constitutionality. The possibility of a hereditary monarchy has been left unexplored. It is widely believed that such a move would not pass constitutional muster. Despite this, it is reported that Mayor Bloomberg is rather taken with the idea of starting a new royal house. He was reportedly heard mumbling to himself after the ruling. "Habsburg Bloomberg...Hmmm. It has a nice ring to it Franz Josef the 2nd Michael the First....'' Reports that a prominent American billionaire has been shopping for a seat in Britain's house of Lords have not been confirmed.

The prevalence of pork in the federal budget has not been conclusively linked to the swine flu outbreak, according to a research team at the Center for Disease Control. Lobbyists are reported to be highly relieved at reports that there is no danger of infection from pork consumption.


A team of researchers from the American Psychiatric Association has returned from a fact finding trip to the Islamic Republic of Iran confirming that there are indeed no homosexuals in that country.

"We looked everywhere, we asked around and couldn't find any evidence of homosexuality at all." gushed Dr. Bruce Feeley, a member of the fact finding delegation. " We shared our findings with President Ahmadinejad. It was really amazing. If we can trust him on this, maybe we can take his word on nuclear weapons."

President Obama quashed speculation that he might be over his head in the Oval Office by actually getting ahead of his teleprompter. Politico.com reported on the amazing feat as follows.

President Obama’s speech at the National Academy of Sciences Monday morning hit a brief snag when Obama got ahead of his script.

Laying his plan for a President’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology, Obama began to name the members of PCAST listed in his prepared remarks – before realizing he’d already introduced them, earlier in his speech.

“In addition to John – sorry, the – I just noticed I jumped the gun here,” Obama said, pausing for several seconds as he looked at the prompter. “Go ahead. Move it up. I had already introduced all you guys.”


Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Spector has officially joined the Democratic Party. There were unconfirmed reports that laws governing truth in labelling might have mandated the switch in party affiliation.


The Obama administration is promoting a sweeping expansion of the "Fairness Doctrine that will apply to almost every aspect of people's personal lives. In addition to equal time for opposing viewpoints, it will now be required that 50% of all movies seen by American moviegoers be "really awful" according to Prudence Bumblebey-Stinger, director of Fairness Doctrine implementation.
"This is only the first of many steps to bring fairness to bring fairness to our way of life." announced Ms. Bumblebey-Stinger. "Bad books, mediocre magazines and awful restaurants are next on our list." Sphere: Related Content

1 comment:

SJ said...

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