Tuesday, May 19, 2009

New York's Home Grown Personality Cult

It has been a while since I had to clean up Chinese menus from my doorstep. I still get business cards wedged into the door from painters and brickwork steamers. Hey, everyone has to earn a living.

But along with Christmas ads in September and back to school sales on the Fourth of July, we now have a new form of advertising that is crowding the urban landscape. Every day this week I have found Chinese menu size circulars in the mail informing me of the privilege soon to be mine of voting for the Great Leader, Mike Bloomberg. They are full of useful information of which I was totally unaware. I found out that crime is down and the city is operating so much more smoothly. I never would have known these things. Despite the great improvements, we are in dire difficulty, more than any time in our history. Mayor Bloomberg has agreed to run a third term so he might lead us out of the abyss that would otherwise await us.

The circulars have a hypnotic effect. They fill the landscape like morning dew. (Not doo) And like the morning dew, they soak and permeate not our lawns but our minds. I can't even remember who is running against Mike Bloomberg or even thinking of it. I mean, why should anyone bother. If Mike is smart enough to get rich himself, he'll make us rich too. Am I right?

But there is one way Mike has let me down. If we are going to have such lopsided elections and such fawning press coverage of the inevitable Blomberg coronation, I want a full fledged personality cult. Here is a shopping list of what I want if Bloomberg (excuse me , Mayor Bloomberg) is going to get my vote

1) I want a portrait of Mayor Bloomberg looking benignly down at me in every government office and store. I saw it in Yugoslavia under Tito and Spain under Franco. It makes you feel that someone is in charge.

2) I want lapel buttons with a profile of Mayor Bloomberg in gold on a brightly laquered background like those made for Chairman Mike( I mean Mao) in China when Mao was alive. Since we are still officially a multi party system in New York, a red background would not be appropriate. Perhaps a rainbow flag would be better

3) We need billboards with Mike Bloomberg quotations superimposed on his picture dotting the urban landscape. He should be seen in varied ethnic costumes, to show that he is a mayor of all the people.

4) We need to have songs of praise. In Yugoslavia under Tito, the best popular singers composed musically excellent songs extolling Marshal Tito. My personal favourite is Druze Tito Mi Ti Se Kunemo which was translated on www.titoville.com as "Comrade Tito We Swear Our Lives To You. It is a stirring song, which I am posting at the bottom of this article.

5) I have worked with people who showed me T shirts, neck ties and other types of collectibles with portraits of whatever Great Leader they were expected to crown. I want T shirts, watches, chamber pots and other useful objects with Mike Bloomberg's picture. I know he can't buy my vote, but he can pass out souvenirs to remind me to vote for him. I would like a ten ounce 24 karat gold medallion with his picture on it for each member of my family just to remind us to vote for him. That would suit me just fine. I have enough T shirts already.

If we are going to have a mayoral coronation, I want to do it right. For all the money that Bloomberg is spending on this election, it is only fitting that he get 99.99837% of the vote. Since he has agreed to lead us, it is the least we can do for him. I can just hear his campaign song playing now. "Comrade Bloomberg We Swear Our Lives To You."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgjSNUg492M&feature=related Sphere: Related Content

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