Friday, May 15, 2009

Stimulus Checks For Dead People

Millions of dollars in stimulus checks are being issued to dead people, according to Fox News. It seems that of the millions of checks being sent out, some are going to some individuals who have died. Fox News reports as follows about a couple of troubling anecdotes.

"Antoniette Santopadre of Valley Stream was expecting a $250 stimulus check. But when her son finally opened it, they saw that the check was made out to her father, Romolo Romonini, who died in Italy 34 years ago. He'd been a U.S. citizen when he left for Italy in 1933, but only returned to the United States for a seven-month visit in 1969.

The Santopadres are not alone. The Social Security Administration, which sent out 52 million checks, says that some of those checks mistakenly went to dead people because the agency had no record of their death. That amounts to between 8,000 and 10,000 checks for millions of dollars."

Although general reactions range from concern to outrage, not all Americans were displeased at the news. An increasing number of activists want death to be recognised as a disability. Carrie Coffin worked hard for Barack Obama as a civil rights activist for Chicago's dead community. She is the chair person of the Chicago Obama Revolutionaries for Post-mortem Social Empowerment. (C.O.R.P.S.E. Despite still being very much alive, she is the executive director and spokesperson for C.O.R.P.S.E. When she heard the news about dead people getting stimulus checks, she was delighted.

"Our organisation was out in the field for Obama through election day. He was very sympathetic to our cause, and promised to do all he could once elected. When I heard that some of our members were getting stimulus checks, I was so happy. If anyone needs stimuli of any sort, it is the members of our community."

When I asked how post mortem empowerment could become a mainstream political cause, Ms. Coffin became uncharacteristically animated.

"Chicago's dead community has led the world in postmortem political activism, said Ms. Coffin. Most of the world's great faiths view death as a broadening of awareness and a merging into oneness. We feel that the increased wisdom and awareness that follows death is why Chicago's dead community has always voted overwhelmingly for the Democratic Party. The Mormon wing of our organisation baptises people after death. We simply take this a step further and register them to vote as Democrats."

When asked if registering the deceased might lead to abuses of the political process, Ms. Coffin seemed almost indignant at the question.

"We have strict guidelines as to whom we will accept in our post-mortem voter registration. My grandfather Will Berryman, was a labour activist and a radical. He never became a citizen, so I would not register him to vote. I mean, I have values and standards. PETA activists in our organisation want to end the disenfranchisement of "animal companions" and allow dead dogs and cats to vote. I oppose this because of the language barriers in communicating with them. But a large number of people in my organisation, both dead and alive support the idea of animal empowerment. The whole world wants Obama to be president. Our slogan is "The lion shall lie down with the lamb. The dead shall rise. And they will all vote for Obama .

Ms. Coffin was very giving of her time during the interview with me. I had expected the interview to be a quiet one, but Ms. Coffin surprised me by interrupting frequently to answer her ouija board. Despite her politeness with me, she was almost domineering with some of those who called her on the ouija board and through the row of crystal balls that she kept in the office.

"We've been riding in the back of the hearse for too long! she snapped at one caller". It's time to stand up for your rights, however hard it may seem."

I was puzzled at the primitive state of communications technology in Ms. Coffin's office. A lone rotary dial black telephone was her sole connection to living friends and members of C.O.R.P.S.E.

"Some of our charter members died when Eisenhower was still President. There is no way they will be able to operate a push button phone if they come back to life." explained Ms. Coffin patiently.

Since Obama has been elected, Ms. Coffin has been very excited about the prospects for her organisation's future. "C.O.R.P.S.E" is a strictly local organisation. Explained Ms. Coffin. Now that Obama is President, we fully intend to go national. We really got out the vote for Obama. We're not going to let a few little stimulus checks be our only payoff. "

Ms. Coffin proudly unveiled a black plaque with gold lettering. "D.E.A.D" the plaque read. I asked her what the new acronym stood for. "Democratic Electoral Association for the Deceased." answered Ms. Coffin proudly. I came up with it during a seance with my dear old friend Mort."

I wound up the interview with drinks and pleasantries. Ms. Coffin served me an herbal alcoholic concoction that was traditionally given to a condemned man before execution in ancient times. I gave her a bound copy of some of my more famous articles. She gave me a rare campaign poster that was put out by C.O.R.P.S.E." Underneath a gray tombstone on the poster was the C.O.R.P.S.E. slogan. "Dying to vote for Obama in 2008". Sphere: Related Content

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