Thursday, May 21, 2009

Transferring Guantanamo Detainees

The American military must now run an obstacle course in dealing with the prisoners in Guantanamo. Putting them in American federal prisoners raises a multitude of new legal questions of what rights they have. Additionally, there is no shortage of American prisoners who would consider it an honour to join the Guantanamo crew and to do their bidding. The individuals in the Bronx who tried to blow up two synagogues and shoot down an airplane were all American citizens. They were home grown terrorists. No one seriously doubts that there are more like them. It is critical to keep American terrorist wannabes from forging alliances with enemies abroad.

Transferring the Guantanamo prisoners to American soil presents serious logistical problems. It is not unheard of for prison inmates to maintain control of a criminal empire outside prison. There are prisons such as the Supermax prison in Florence, Colorado that are calculated to isolate prisoners from each other and from illicit activities outside. Prisoners in Florence do not know where in the prison they are. If they are lucky, a prisoner can see a sliver of sky through the window. Most never see the ground outside. The most minute priveleges have to be earned. Cells are designed to be vandalism proof. Any prisoner who tries to use the Guantanamo trick book will find that the system is stacked against him. cursing at guards, flooding cells or throwing excrement at prison staff would set in motion a prison routine designed to break the will. Any Guantanamo prisoner who ends up in a Supermax facility will probably curse the useful idiots who ever sprung him from Guantanamo.

I don't think that the American friends of the Guantanamo detainees will stop complaining when their buddies make it to the US. They will probably sue to get the prisoners housed in regular prisons and even try to ease them into minimum security prisons. Before you know it, there will be demands for conjugal visits. Since polygamy is legal in Islam, there will be special additions to forms requesting conjugal visits so that each prisoner can receive conjugal visits from all his wives.

The next step for ACLU lawyers will be to permit "sighe" or temporary marriage to Guantanamo prisoners. "Sighe" is already legal in Iran. A temporary marriage is a contract arranged in advance for a period of as little as a few minutes up to 99 years. Like a lease, "sighe" can come with a renewal clause inserted. (Can you imagine a 99 year marriage that is "temporary"? What do you call a 99 year temporary marriage? A one life stand?)

I can imagine the application in the warden's office. Jihada "Juggs" Ahmadinejad wants to be married to Albert (Al) Qaeda for 45 minutes on July 23, at the time of their conjugal visit. Then on July 27, she'll be married to Sami Shahid. Then just for fun, the warden makes Sami and Al cell mates. Can you imagine the fights? Before you know it, Lynn Stewart, famous lawyer for terrorists (picture at the top of this article) will sign up as a temporary wife. That would strike terror into the hearts of the most hardened detainee. They would be pleading to be sent back to sunny Guantanamo Bay in no time.

America's advocates for the rights of detainees are probably waiting to create unheard of "rights" for detainees, complete with kinder gentler interrogations. Imagine the following introduction.

"Hi, my name is Dudley Pudelheimer, I am going to be your interviewer. Perhaps you could check your busy calendar for time to speak with me. We could go to Starbucks and chat about your philosophy and activities. Will you be busy Tuesday? Don't worry. The treat's on me."

Any element of coercion would be strictly forbidden.

"I'm so sorry. You look upset whenever I bring up armed struggle. Please forgive me. Here, have another piece of camel milk chocolate. I had some. It's just wonderful.

Confrontation would be avoided at all costs by specially trained interviewers. (Not interrogators. That's so yesterday. )

"So Ahmad, my translator tells me that you said that I am a pile of crusty camel dung. I realise that camels are highly revered in Islamic nomadic culture. I am so happy that you are starting to see me in a more positive light. But what significance do the swarms of buzzing horse flies have in your colourful metaphor?"

Specially trained interviewers would look for the most benign interpretations of detainees remarks.

So, Abdul, you tell me that "every American is my brother in law." Does that mean that you think of Americans your extended family? I only have one sister. And my mother is married also. How can you be my brother in law?"

That night, Pudelheimer is reading an article on curses from India, and realises that both Ahmad
and Abdul insulted him during interrogation. He is crushed.

"Where did I go wrong?" he ponders. "Perhaps visiting them during working hours was too impersonal. Maybe if I resigned my post and came back to visit as a friend they might trust me more. Am I really on the right side in this entire disagreement?"

Right now, the Lynn Stewarts and the Dudley Pudelheimers are at a logistical disadvantage, both geographically and legally with the detainees in Guantanamo Bay. Bringing them to the US is just the first stop for America's jihad apologists. Wherever the Guantanamo detainees may stay, it is important to be on the offensive against their American and European apologists. We have had rude awakenings twice before at the World Trade Center as well as abroad.

The investigation that led to the latest arrests in the Bronx for the attempted attacks on synagogues and aircraft was initiated while George Bush was President. If Barack Obama satisfies his most extreme supporters, how many fruitful investigations do you think would start today? Sphere: Related Content

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