Thursday, August 27, 2009

Mike Bloomberg "I Have No Opponents"

New York gets more surreal every day. According to Associated Press, our Mayor For Life, Michael Bloomberg (Michael I) has stated that he is " not running against anyone" He has casted his opponents as "irrelevant" and stated that this election is more about showcasing his achievements as mayor.

There is in fact a candidate that I know of and support named Bill Thompson. I have seen his campaign headquarters on Nostrand Avenue in Brooklyn. Mayor Bloomberg may not know where Nostrand Avenue is, since he does not spend much time in Brooklyn. It is very hard to talk to people about Bill Thompson. When they hear that he is NOT Mike Bloomberg, they become very interested in voting for him. All the sanitation tickets and parking ticket blitzes kind of wear you down after a while. Of course Mike Bloomberg doesn't have to worry about losing campaign contributions, because he's paying for his own campaign.

We see all kind of Mike Bloomberg campaign circulars clogging our mailboxes. It used to be the Chinese menus advertising all the food Mike Bloomberg wants to ban. Now I know why he wants to ban all this unhealthy food. He wants to drive up your blood pressure himself.

Bloomberg may not read the papers. But out here in Brooklyn we have to. Otherwise we would never know that crime is way down. So you hear about gang shootings. You hear your friends complain about their cars being broken into and street muggings. But its all anecdotal. So we have to read the papers to find out how wonderful life is in our city. I mean, what are you supposed to believe, your own eyes or what you see in the paper?

But you really shouldn't be too hard on King Michael. New York City has seen elections before in which Mayor Koch ran on the Democratic and Republican tickets, which does kind of have that whiff of an Eastern European one party state to it. But Koch was at least condescending to his opponents. King Michael pretends that they are not even there.

On September 15, there will be a Democratic Primary. Mike Bloomberg is a Republican. The Republican nomination is the cheapest one you can buy in New York City. As liberal as King Michael is, he still found it desirable to have a marriage of convenience to the Republican party to have Mike Bloomberg on the ballot. It's kind of like one of Michael Jackson's marriages.

The Democratic Party is actually the major party of New York City. If Mike Bloomberg really thinks he is running unopposed, then he is more detached from reality than I thought he was.

When I look back on the time before Mike Bloomberg was mayor, I recall an interview he gave to New York Magazine in which he was asked if he ever smoked marijuana. His reported answer was "You bet I did. And I enjoyed it.''

Now it's all starting to make sense. Pass the man another brownie.


I have provided a video below of suggested prototypes for campaign songs and posters for comrade Mike Bloomberg. If he wins, I will celebrate his victory with a bottle of my favourite beer. (Portrayed at the top of this article.) It is a great beer. (Much better than our current mayor.)
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