Ann Coulter's Letter From the Canadian Thought Police

Back in the 1970's I visited East Berlin for the first time. Later, I visited what was then Czechoslovakia. My parents reminded me that unlike the US, I had to watch my mouth, that expressed opinions could be crimes. At the time, I was a Trotskyist sympathiser, so there was real danger that I could have been jailed for running my mouth. Under communism, there were plenty of communists who were imprisoned for being on the wrong side of a factional dispute. Indeed, the communists killed their heretics in far greater numbers than did the Christians.

Ann Coulter just recently got a chilling reminder that the "thought police" are alive and well, not in one of the few communist countries on earth but in Canada, where she is going on a speaking tour of three universities.

In a chilling note, Francois Houle, s senior official at the University of Ottawa reminded Ms. Coulter in unmistakeable terms that she could not count on the free speech protections that are sacrosanct in the US. The National Post reports as follows on the icy missive received by Ms. Coulter.

"In an email sent to Ms. Coulter on Friday, a copy of which has been obtained by the National Post, Mr. Houle wrote: "Our domestic laws, both provincial and federal, delineate freedom of expression (or "free speech") in a manner that is somewhat different than the approach taken in the United States. I therefore encourage you to educate yourself, if need be, as to what is acceptable in Canada and to do so before your planned visit here."

He continued, "Promoting hatred against any identifiable group would not only be considered inappropriate, but could in fact lead to criminal charges."

After also mentioning defamation law, the provost wrote, "I therefore ask you, while you are a guest on our campus, to weigh your words with respect and civility in mind."

Seamus Wolfe, the president of the student body at the University of Ottawa got his own little drop kick into the face of free speech, according to the National Post report.


"The federation does not support Ann Coulter speaking on our campus huffed little Seamus, the campus dictator wannabee"We're trying to work with the administration to see if we can ask her to do her speaking event somewhere else."

The university seems to differ with Seamus Wolfe solely in their tactics of stifling free speech.

Politeness is a very nice goal, but forcing people by law to be polite is absurd. It seems that that is what Canada calls a constitution leaves the door wide open for abuses of free speech.

Ann Coulter is not a very polite person. She thinks all Jews should accept Jesus. I find such a prospect revolting. I consider the sound of Coulter's voice to be a powerful form of birth control. But she is not advocating extermination. She is not giving impassioned speeches to mobs inflamed by drink calling for the extermination of Jews, Muslims or Democrats. That puts her opinions well within any reasonable boundaries of free speech protection.

I don't want the Canadian government or anyone to protect me from having my feelings hurt. I've got thick skin. I can hurt feelings right back, or be calm and reasonable. If Ms. Coulter thinks I'm not going to heaven, that doesn't rock my world. Because she has no plans to send me there ahead of schedule.

Now that I think of it, Ann Coulter's ideas about heaven without Jews is a little interesting. We'll be in a separate section of the afterlife, with the best shwarma and falafel. Not only that, we'll have the best pastrami sandwiches, and since it's the afterlife, we won't have to worry about sodium or cholesterol. Coulter's section of the after world will have the best single malt scotch anywhere. Before you know it, there will be some sort of trade going on.

This reminds me of a joke that might not be legal in Canada. It would certainly be banned under some university "offensive speech" codes.

Three guys went hiking. One was Jewish. One was African American. The third guy was a WASP. (White Anglo Saxon Protestant.) One of them found a genie who told them. "Each of you has one wish. Choose it wisely."

The Jewish guy said, "I want to be in the Holy Land along with every single Jew on the planet with the Holy Temple in full operation." There was a cloud of smoke and a flash. Every Jew on the planet was in Israel.

The African American said, "I want to return to Africa, along with every African American man woman and child to a peaceful, prosperous homeland for my people." Again, there was a puff of smoke and a flash. Every African American man, woman and child was back in Africa.

The white guy was alone in the woods and said to the genie, "Let me get this straight. Every Jew is in Israel. Is that right."

"Yes it is." replied the genie.

"And every black is in Africa. Am I right?"

"Yes they are." replied the genie.

" I'll have a diet coke." said the WASP.


The Canadian government has it all wrong. They have a beautiful country. Of its entire population, 80% live within 200 miles of the US border, but we won't talk about that. They have great beer and cigarettes. I love the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. I don't care if it's publicly owned. They are a pleasure to listen to. I find it odd that they still have the queen on their money. Her picture may be 40 years out of date, but hey, women are like that. Canada has a lot of classy music like Leonard Cohen and Alanis Morrissette. They have plenty of amazing authours. Farley Mowat comes to mind. The Newfoundland accent is one of the prettiest in the English language. And who can forget salt and vinegar potato chips?


But one thing they got wrong is offensive speech. We need more of it. I want to see a World Ethnic Joke Day in the United Nations. Every ethnic group in the world would be referred to by their derogatory nicknames. And every group would tell ethnic jokes about their neighbours. Frenchmen would tell German jokes. Ukrainians would tell Polish jokes. Tibetans would tell Chinese jokes. And Koreans would tell Japanese jokes. No regular business would be conducted, which wouldn't make any difference, because no useful business is ever conducted there anyhow.

The books of ethnic jokes could be sold and the proceeds used to help the victims of conflicts in which rifles are used instead of jokes. Then they could sell video footage of the various representatives screaming and fighting with each other to America's Funniest Home Videos. When everyone gets sick of fighting they could go to the UN cafeteria to eat falafel sandwiches doused in tehina. Those sandwiches always fall apart in the middle of eating them. The official portrait of every world leader would be taken after their falafel sandwich had disintegrated in their hands. Every time some leader thunders against his neighbour, calling for war they would show a picture of him with food all over his face. Then instead of angry mobs turning over cars, laughter would resound through the streets.

Civility? The Canadians have it all wrong. We are too polite already. As for violence, let's have an Annual United Nations Pie Fight, like they used to have on the Three Stooges. What good would it do? Diplomats care more about their suits getting dirty and about being personally humiliated than they do about people in their home countries starving, being massacred, tortured or enslaved. People like that need a pie in the face.

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